This is about as realistic as Jack's future beard looked.(1) If you ever survive a plane crash, you may get something called a "gold pass" that allows you to have free flights for life.
(2) Always let the plucky fat man help out, because he's actually quite helpful.
(3) One-eyed Russians are almost impossible to kill.
(4) Don't even try to put on a fake beard and mustache, because it will be painfully obvious to all.
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