shaq-tastic

Disclaimer: I am in love with Shaquille O'Neal - recall my desire to call BDR "Shaquila O'Neala." I love his giantness, I love his attitude, I love the fact that he his bed is 30 feet by 15 feet. I love the fact that he seems like a genuinely good person - getting his BA to please his mother, and then getting an (albeit fake University of Phoenix) MBA, and being a semi-kind-of police officer. I admit I've never seen Kazaam, nor have I ever listened to Shaq Fu: Da Return, but I'm sure even these wouldn't deter my love.

Plus, he's kind of good at basketball.

I don't understand why people don't like Shaq's Big Challenge. It's certainly the best thing I've seen on network TV in the past few months, and, as far as I can tell, the premise is pretty solid: there are lots of fat kids, fat kids are unhealthy and unhappy, and we should do more to make fat kids into skinny kids.

It seems the dissent comes in two forms: first, Shaq's kind of a porker himself. True enough, but he's also a professional athlete who can actually run up and down the court. I'd be more skeptical about the athleticism of fat athletes if I didn't see Charles Barkely tear up the court in a race with Dick Bavetta during last year's All Star game or the 1993 Phillies (who might not be the best example, as they didn't exactly win, but they were fat). All I know is that Shaq can make a basket over some kid's house, while I can't even make any shot from any distance, and that has to count for something. (About $100 million, if I'm not mistaken.)

The second problem people seem to have with the show is...well, that it calls some kids fat. But really, these kids are fat, and to imagine they think otherwise is ridiculous. I'm not entirely sure what the risk is of telling obese children that they need help (that is, they need to go on a diet and exercise), but our country really has a problem doing it. Is the fear that the obesity epidemic will flip to an anorexia epidemic? And is that really a valid fear?

Blame McDonalds and Hostess, not Shaq, for childhood obesity.

Anyway, the show is pretty much awesome. It shows Shaq as both this total dork who uses the same hit-my-hand-on-the-top-of-the-door-frame-and-pretend-I-hit-my-head trick over and over, who uses his fame (and size) to intimidate local bullies into leaving one of his fat kids alone, and who admits to being a sucker Dad to his kids.

In my dream world, there is a show of 8 to 10 minute clips of crazy but charismatic athletes - guys like Shaq or Charles Barkley or George Foreman - just doing normal stuff. Or complaining. My favorite part of any basketball game on TNT is when Charles Barkley starts getting cranky. Oh, well. I just have to hope ABC won't cancel this, because I'm really not sure what else I could possibly watch.