Amy's Prostitute Days (or, Blackmail)

So one of the first times I came home with Kevin, my mother trotted out this photo of me and my sister. It's from my grandmother's house, and I think I'm in first or second grade, which means that Kimberly's like in pre-K or kindergarten.

Anyway, what can I say about this picture? This is what I think is happening in this photo: I'm pretty sure my sister and I made these outfits. My grandmother went through a "making sweatshirts" phase around this time, and I think these were scrap castoffs. Which implies that if you put me, my sister, and a bunch of fabric in a room we'll walk out looking like this.

Every time I see this picture, I laugh. It's seriously one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. There are so many nuances - look at the way I've got my hand on my hip. I don't think they teach that kind of street-savvy in elementary school. You've got to be born with that. Also, my face has this really hard look to it, like, at the tender age of 10 (or whatever I am), I've forgotten how to smile. The pocketbook is nice, too. I'm pretty sure I made that as well. And, taking a look at my sister, please notice these details: the pocket sewed onto her skirt. That's attention to detail, my friend, and shows one of us is a type-A personality in training. Also, my sister has this great anklette/shackle thing on; again, it's probably something we made. But I like how it implies that she's ready for some S&M action, for the right price. With my sister's hair, she might be rocking more of a jungle woman vibe than I am - I'm definitely all-out street walker. And my stockings!! I can't imagine where they came from, but they're a brilliant touch.

Also, I really should note here that my mother refers to this as her "blackmail" photo, and has implied several times that she'll use it one day. Perhaps nothing more accurately describes the (dys)function of our mother-daughter relationship than the fact that my mother would ever conceive of a time in which she would blackmail her daughter with a tramp trump card. So, to steal her thunder, I'll post it here.