America, it's time...

It's time to get out of the closet. The Marky Mark closet.

I'll go first.

Man, I love Mark Wahlberg. What's not to love? He's a master thespian beyond reproach. Specifically, I think he's hilarious.

Take, for example, the great popcorn movie The Departed. Marky Mark - er, sorry, Mark Wahlberg - has a small but pivotal role in the movie. More importantly, his swearing-to-"real word" ratio is quite high; early estimates put it at 10 to 1.

This is no joke, people. Few things can put a smile on my face as easily as Mark Wahlberg's flared nostrils and South Boston accent can.

[Editor's note: It appears Ms. Davis has actually seen only the following of Mr. Wahlberg's movies: Basketball Diaries, Boogie Nights, Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees, and The Departed. She also admits to seeing The Perfect Storm, but doesn't recall Mr. Wahlberg's performance as she was distracted by George Clooney's raw sex appeal.]

It's time to stop ending commercials with the word "holy."

OK, fine, I admit it: when Volkswagon first did this with its crazy car crash commercials, I thought it was a nice touch. (I would have gone with the less sacred "what the?" but that's purely a personal choice.)

Now, however, it seems that every commercial must end with two characters, looking at one another in semi-stupefied befuddlement, uttering, "holy..."

And while I do appreciate the cleaning power of Pine Sol or the electrical charge of Energizer batteries, I rarely find myself resorting to cursing to express my delight/confusion/amazement whenever I mop my floors or change the batteries in my remote controls.

It's time to read Lemony Snicket.

It's almost time for Book the 13th to come. I'm frightfully behind on my book-a-day plan.

BUT, I have until the 28th to get caught up. That's when Lemony Snicket (represented by Daniel Handler), Brett Helquist, and the Gothic Archives (a.k.a. Stephin Merritt) will finally get the opportunity to meet me. They wait with bated breath.